8.2.13

Where did they hide their dignity?

Now I love a good ass. But I feel that it is my duty as a blogger, to vent my frustrations surrounding the overly-under-fabricated ‘Knicker shorts’ fad. I call it a 'fad', because I don't think there is enough of the bloody things to call them a trend. (By enough I mean sheer coverage, not the number of women I have seen wearing them).
I admit, I’m a firm believer in ‘if you’ve got I, flaunt it’ - any woman should me. But this so-called item of clothing is unflattering to all but the most toned of physiques, accenting each orange-peel cellulite  dimple and those shimmering stretch marks most of us have (though we don’t all care to admit it). Where did the allure of clothing go?
Topshop, as much as I love you you high-street monster, you have outdone yourself this time. These so-called 'shorts' leave everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, exposed to wind chill. Skimming, not the bottom, not the thigh, but the MIDDLE of your rounded ass cheek, each curve is decorated with…well…nothing. With 120 black denier tights (I mean the ones with a high high denier that are so dark they are practically leggings – though I in no way condone wearing them as such - more on that another time) then they could be ok. On someone with no leg fat…or stomach fat…or really much of a figure at all. Celebrities with their personal trainers and Photoshop can just about get away with it. Over the past couple years denim shorts have been getting shorter and shorter...and shorter.  They can be a wonderful addition to a summer-chill style, but I for one do not posses those sort of cheeks.
Gemma Aterton stars in Tamara Drew (2010), with what is undeniably, a fantastic bottom. 



It’s a well-known fact that most men enjoy the allure of an hourglass figure, encased by the glory of a tight bodycon pencil skirt and a sheer busty blouse. Originally I had written this piece back last year, but my recent blogging boost and certain inspirations have given me reason to take another look.
I mean, it’s even in the name. ‘KNICKER SHORTS’. THEY ARE BARELY UNDERWEAR. You can see that rounded curve of ass cheek each wobbly step. Kylie Minogue did it. But for the most of us, this look is about as unflattering as it gets. Don’t get me wrong: I adore hot pants. I am not a prude, but all I suggest is that women, recognise your limits. 
Despite this, I must pay homage to the single celebrity of our generation that has perfected the ass-exposing fashion: Rihanna. With her countless pairs of denim, studded, fringed, laced or frayed, she rocks it. 


Shot by mastermind photographer, Terry Richardson

After careful consideration, I have decided that these shorts, unless on the ass of a toned madam or model, or styled with black denier tights, are dangerous territory. Perhaps it is my long-limb jealousy. Maybe it is the many failiures of this style I have recently come across. I will admit, on some (lucky so-and-so’s) these can look fabulous. If you can do it – do. If you cant, accept it. And please, don’t try. 

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